Thursday, August 7, 2008


Hello friends. Sorry I have been gone so long! My computer was broken and it finally was returned to me yesterday. Nothing too exciting here. Just doing my thing. My birthday is coming up so we are having a housewarming/birthday party. Complete with Keg beer and everything. This planning is keeping me busy and now I have to start clening the house and stuff.
We spent almost a week at my mom's.
I love her, but we fight with differing opinions. She flops on her opinions, and its sometimes funny cause she does not know where she stands on most things. She is very firm in her religious opinions and her issues with my weight. I love you mom, but you just drive me crazy!
Spending time at my mom's has its perks. Like Zach gets to spend time with my brother. Who is very good with Zach. Richard is loving, playful, patient and firm. Someday he is going to be a great daddy.
Here is Zach and Richard:
When I returned from my mom's, Zach and Gene spent a few days going to the Threshing Bee in MClouth, KS. While I choose not to go, they had a great time and even made a few friends out there.
Zach has been keeping himself busy taking care of his watermelons, he has 4 of them!
It's hard to tell in this picture but one of his melons is already about 10-11 inches in diameter.
Our first few ears of corn are ready, and I will be picking them for dinner on Friday night.
Ahh and now the hard stuff. I don't really open up too much here, and I think its time I did.
My parenting is often harsh..or so I feel. Even though I do not want to spank my child, it does happen. Not a lot, maybe once a month? Anyways, he is so willfull, and he challenges me in ways I think no one can. I love him and he amazes me everyday. However he was/is blessed with a sharp tongue, and I let that bother me. He continues to be fresh, talk back and even hit me. He refuses to clean up, and I know that I spoil him in many ways. He gets junk food, he gets new things all the time. It's so hard not to love him without spoiling him. I feel like he hits, because he gets spanked. I feel its a circle and I HATE it. I try to be patient, but find it impossible sometimes. It embarrasses me to put this out here, but here it is. Me, a parent desperate to find control for this issue.


capello said...

if i can offer advice? love does not equal to spoiling. it just doesn't. if anything, spoiling counter-balances love and can ruin a relationship. you need to start showing love without rewards - no food, no new toys, just love.

it's hard, i know. but he's only going to get worse if you continue to waffle.

and i'm solely basing this on what you said in your post, nothing else. so don't go thinking crazy thoughts :-)

ps: lost your number, i'm a loser.

oilclothjunkie said...

Hey honey, I know completely how you feel. It's hard when you feel like you're in a cycle and you can't get out. One thing that helped me was a book "Buddhism for mothers". It's not a parenting book but more about how to keep ourselves calm when dealing with kids. It helped me realize that I was/am feeding into stuff & making it worse. Things are perfect now but I have a lot less of those "oh, my god, I'm a crappy mom" moments.

Ps. Don't be embarrassed, we all experience this kind of stuff.

oilclothjunkie said...

uh, meant to say "aren't perfect". geesh.

hettieblue said...

I feel like I am too harsh with my boy as well, I definitely raise my voice WAY too much! Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling like a crappy mom. I also think I ignore my guy when he is probably starving for my attention.