Sunday, August 31, 2008

Oh how the days get away..

I am sitting here crying, wondering why I am feeling this way. I let myself be selfishly excited just a teeny bit. An accident I know, but my son(whom I gave away 13 years ago) and I were invited to the same birthday party. Of which it was since decided it was not a good time for us to meet. I am not angry, it was not meant to be. Not yet anyways. But I am feeling it now. It's like a ball in my chest. It's stupid to cry about such things, but I am a sensitive gal. Maybe I can't handle it. Not that I would say a thing to him, I don't want to cause any hurt. I don't even think he knows who I am. I am done, and so I will let this moment go.

We have had a decent weekend so far, one of our caterpillars turned into a butterfly.
It's a Black Swallowtail.
We had a nice visit from our friends Maria and Nate and thier kiddos. I made spaghetti with my homemade sauce and some hamburger. It turned out really good, and there were empty plates around the table.
I bought Zach some very nice Organic cotton pants for fall, for the bargin price of $5.00 at the Blue Dandelion a pricy kids Boutique in downtown Lawrence. He is dying to wear them but I want him to wait, so they don't get destroyed too soon.

Something else I need to talk about, spanking. Yes I know I vowed not to do it, but it happened again. Zach was acting out so badly yesterday. He spat at me, argued, called me a bad parent. He left time out repeatedly, and I felt like I did not know what else to do. I spanked him and then he talked back again! So he had a very long time out in his room. Then like magic he cleaned his room, all by himself without being asked, and he he did a nice job too. He then vaccuumed it. We talked about how I do not think it okay to spank him, but I feel like that was my last resort. He told me it hurts his feelings, and I told him its the same when spits at me and calls me a bad parent when he does not get his way. I don't want to do it again.
we are having a potluck tonight and I have some dishes to make, so I need to get on with my day. I made a yummy peach and blueberry pie , and I need to start on the potato salad.
Just in case you are hungry, here's the pie:

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Whew, the weekend cometh

Well I can't beleive its Thursday already. I have been keeping myself busy in the garden as this is peak season. We have had a few tomatoes to pick, and by a few I mean a few
I already made 8 jars of spaghetti sauce, and I have made a few rounds of salsa too. So when I borrowed my neighbors tomato deseeder, I was not sure what to do..but thats why the internet comes in handy.
I am making homemade ketchup! It smells pretty good too. It's on it's second day in the crockpot, and I should be able to can it later tonight. Here is what it looks like as of about 15 minutes ago.
And Zach's new curtain fabric whic I have been promising, they are almost done too!
In other news, one of our neighbors, whom we thought was totally cool with us, has deceided that it is his personal goal to make sure we do not have chickens on our property. This came out of nowhere and we are shocked, and hurt too. We are checking with the powers that be to make sure it is legal..which everyone keeps assuring us that it is...anyways, I will def keep you all posted about this! Toodles, Evie.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Exhaustion has set in.

Well I have been super busy today. And I am feeling it too.. I worked today, the regular three hours. I mowed the front lawn, with the gas powered, instead of the human is just too hot, and there is no shade in the front. I have already done 3 loads of laundry..2 of which I hung out on the clothes line. The load of towels I am putting in the dryer, they get too scratchy when I line dry-em and I don't like that. I have unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and I also have bagel dough in the breadmaker. I still need to clean out the fridge, make bagels, make dinner, and start on mowing the backyard..whewwwwwww. After this is all done I am going to sit on the couch and not move..and I don't care.
I am aiming to take Zach to go see my friends at fighter practice, something I have not done in years. I have friends who do this SCA thing, its like the people you see at Ren Fests. And they get together one a week and beat each other up for fun..kinda. I think Zach will enjoy it, and if not its at the park where he likes to play anyways.
No pics today, my camera batteries are dead and I need to replace them. Maybe I can get some shots of the fighting people. that is all for now my dearies. Evie

Monday, August 25, 2008

Monday work again

Well here it is Monday again. I am still working at the home daycare. Today was nuts there, with 3 babies one of them a newborn, a 4 month old, and 1yr old. And Zach and another. There were 3 babies crying at the same time, and its too much for two people, let alone one to take care of. I stayed late and helped things get more calm before I let, but I felt terrible for this lady to be alone with that many babies. Anyways, I guess I still don't have a straight answer from the other girls' parents for full time daycare. Whatever!
I have not spanked Zach since my post about not spanking! That is truly a miracle, especially since I did have to wash his mouth out with did he use a BIG word. I am trying so hard to be patient with him, but he is still button pushing, I guess it is just his personality.
The saddest thing of all...he told me when he is married, he and his wife will have no arguing, and they will cook and clean together. Something he rarely gets to see. Makes me sad. He told me we need to live in seperate houses. Its pretty bad when your kid tells you these things need to happen.
I am putting him in pre-school 5 days a week starting in Sept. I feel he needs it, and if I am working we can afford it, even though we are POOOOOORRRRR, right now. Geez when aren't we poor?
Pics tomorrow of his curtains.
Turkey burgers and sweet potato fries for supper tonight.
Love and ice cream to all. :) Evie

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Universe has spoken

I know things have been pretty intense here the past few days, but I am just trying to sort things out for myself.
I asked the universe to help me out with money and in two days I have made almost $200!!
Now I don't believe in the whole god thing, but I do believe in the higher power, or the power of the universe, and the flow and all that.
I finished work on Friday and was rewarded with a generous check, and when I got home, I had a phone call from aforementioned baby girls parents, who needed a sitter right away, and then after they picked up baby girl they asked for daycare for today...Sat too! And they want to bring baby girls older brother..a playmate for Zach yeah!
It is a bit of a relief to bring some money in after not working for almost 3 years.
The last sitting job ended badly, and I am still wondering what I could have done differently/better. Who knows???
My mom- the supportive woman she keeps tellng me that she wants me to do better than babysitting...she wants me to get my nursing or teaching degrees. But I love kids and babies, and right now I think it is the best I can do for myself.
I am going to move forward with the daycare idea. And baby girls' parents made me a very nice hourly wage offer for daycare. Although I am still not sure they want me full time or not??
So I am going to return to the new daycare job until we discuss further, which may even be this afternoon?? Who knows.
I have a batch of raspberry almond muffins in the oven, and they are calling as is the coffee pot.
Today I am feeling better about things, thank you for being there, whomever you may be. :) Evie

Thursday, August 21, 2008

And life carries on

Well I know that yesterday's post was maybe a little be of a downer, but very true. I figure if I am going to put myself out there, might as well do it all the way. :)
I had a better day today, and returned to work at my "new" job. I made the decision that if I do not get the sitting job I am waiting on, I am going to open up my own daycare. It seems the most logical choice for me, and all I really need to do is update my first aid class. It almost makes me sad, though that its all you need. Know what I mean? Seriously, if this young woman I am working for can do it, why can't I?
In other news, I started making Zach's john deere curtains, and I need to find some new blinds for in his room since his got broken during the party.
His behavior has been less than wonderful since I guess he is making adjustments, to going to babysit with me. If we were not desperate for money right now, I would so not be there.
I keep reminding myself that its not forever, and things will improve. The nice thing is that I have to discipline him with much more patience while I am there. And I guess I am getting my baby "fix" while I am there.
Dinner tonight is shrimp and pasta with garden veggies..yum!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

What it is.

Well here is what it isn't. My life has not always been lollipops and rainbows.
I don't know my father. I have never had a positive male role model in my life. Maybe that's why I married someone 15 years my senior. I don't know?? Men intimidate me, I do not understand them. The only ones I have know wanted me to be cute, or later in life wanted something sexual from me. Hence I have my weight issues. I have other issues too. MONEY..that's a big one for me. We never had much growing up, what with my mom supporting her shitty husbands. No wonder I have money issues. I was in my mid 20's before I was actually supporting myself..then I married and quit working. Now I am dependant on this older husband Gene to support me. Not that I have a spending problem. I can pinch a penny like no one I know..but that does not keep me from feeling horrible about my spending choices, and makes me a little greedy too. I hide money, I have my own account. I make sure I have a little to spend. When I have no cash it makes me feel depressed and trapped.
Feeling trapped is another issue. I feel trapped in my marriage, in my role as a mother, in my own body.
I should be happy. I have a house, I have a car to drive and decent food to eat. I know how to cook, bake and can. I have lived through at least 10 serious car wrecks, an emotionally abusive relationship, giving a child away for adoption, physical and sexual abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse(you guys have no idea..), I have pushed myself through serious depression(still am).
I have been through some shit, and at 32 feel like I have done it all. What is next for me?
I had to take on a job I am not going to like at all. I am helping some girl, run her home daycare. She is pretty green, and I feel like I have to tell her what to do..I guess that is the bossy side of me. But really, I hate it, and Zach was awful there today. I am lucky I get to bring him. Its only 3 hours a day, but will bring in around an extra $450 a month, which were really need right now to get ahead. I am waiting for something better..hopefully something better will.
Sorry for this long and depressing rant, but hey that's why I am her right?

Friday, August 15, 2008

I sewed!

Hard to believe but it does happen! Made a skirt to wear to a party tomorrow.
Its a layer skirt and it took me around 2 hours to bust out this morning. Even though I had planned on making it around 2 months earlier! Hopefully I have a top to wear with it.
On another subject I saw something sad today. There was a young couple in a beat down car pushing it into the gas station, obviously they were out of gas. A sign of the times and I remember being in the same postion a long time ago. On more than a few occasions. It made me feel for them. It made me feel grateful, even though we are poor, I don't think I have to worry about not having gas in my car, or groceries in my fridge.
I am greatful that Gene finally has his Plumbing License, and we are home owners.
I am greatful for his health, and Zachs too. I have clothes to wear, and a garden full of veggies. I have people who care about me, and that I care about too.
Thank you universe for everything.
last nite's garden bounty:
tons of cherry toms, large toms, corn, yellow squash, zucchini, green bell peppers

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Nothing Like your favorite dinner.

Even if you have to cook it yourself..on your birthday. And in my defense, you can't get Lemon Chicken Piccata in Kansas..well maybe you can, but I have not found it, and we are too broke to eat out, and my version is to die for and not that hard to make. So I cooked it. YUM! Here's my recipe, even though I am sure its been posted before:
Lemon Chicken piccata:
4 skinless boneless chicken breasts cut in half and then again if still too thick
salt and pepper
flour for dredging
8 tablespoons butter
8 tablespoons olive oil
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 cup chicken stock
3-4 oz capers drained
1/3 cup fresh parsley chopped (if using dried, add to stock to re-hydrate)
Season chicken with salt and pepper, dredge in flour.
Melt 2 tablespoons butter and 3 tablespoons olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Add chicken when it sizzles. Add no more than 2-3 pieces of chicken at a time and cook for about 1 1/2 minutes on each side, then move to a plate. Add more olive oil and butter together as needed to cook all the chicken reserving at least 2 tablespoons butter. Do not let the oil get too hot or the butter will brown too much.
When all the chciken is cooked add the lemon juice, chicken stock, capers and parsley. Bring to a boil, add remaining butter. Place chicken in sauce and cook for 3-5 minutes more. Place chicken on platter on top of hot cooked linguine. Pour sauce over. Serve to too much, feel bloated..lay around :)

It's my birthday!

Yup, here it is again, another year gone by. I am 32 today. I got a nice card from my hubby..and well he gave me a party. And that's all I asked for. Since the moon bounce is a sore subject, I would not dare ask for anything else!
I made myself a large steaming cup of organic fair trade coffee and one of my homemade bagels. Zach is still asleep at 9:25?? I guess this is his gift to me.
Since we are out of biscuits I will be making some today and maybe some bagels too.
It's something I love to do and don't mind it.
Wow what a year I have had: moved to Kansas, bought a house, dealt with a break in, considered a divorce..(still am), planted a garden, and had a big birthday party!
I am missing my friends from Mass, but really like having my own home with a giant kitchen.
I continue to struggle with my parenting skills, but hey we all do right?
My marriage is not as solid as it should be, but that's another blog all together.
This year is a chance to make things even better, my parenting, my marriage, my attempt to contribute financially. My quest to be a better person, and to maintain my diabetes and preserve my health.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Back to School Day!

Yeah baby! Three afternoons a week are mine once more. Zach returned to our beloved preschool today. I have done nothing since I returned home from dropping him off, except scratch the shit out of my chigger bites. I love how my new neighbor brags that North Lawrence has no chiggers...I would think that is true, except I do not put chemicals on my lawn which prevent them... I resorted to taking a bath with baking soda and salt water to get some relief. I am not going to put nail polish on my recommened by my parents..I guess that causes them to burrow further. I used something called African Black soap, which is good for skin problems including I am hoping it helps. I guess I will excuse myself to at least do some housework before Gene comes home, least he thinks I sat on my behind all Evie

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Canning day!

Well it has been a busy day for us. We made some yummy blueberry muffins this morning. Sooo good! The last few, from earlier, these are gone now!
And I made some pickled jalapenos for Gene, for which he will be grateful. Hope they turn out well.
I have spag sauce cooking down on the stove right now, and I will hopefully get 2 large jars out of it. I made it up as I went but here is pretty much what's in it:
cherry toms, green pepper, yellow squash, onion, garlic, fresh basil, thyme, oregano, sage and love. :) Toodles Evie

Monday, August 11, 2008

Curried Chicken and Squash

So I forgot that I wanted to post this recipe the other day, cause I made it up on a whim and it is really delish!

Curried Chicken and Squash
1 large zucchin sliced
1 large yellow squash sliced
3-4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 cup mango or peach jam warmed
salt and pepper
2T madras curry powder
1/2 cup of half and half

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly oil baking dish. Place squash slices on bottom of pan and salt and pepper them. Place chicken on top of squash and salt and pepper it too. Sprinkle curry powder over chicken and squash. Pour warmed jam on top and then 1/2 and 1/2 over it. Bake for 45 minutes or until chicken is cooked thru. Serve with hot buttered rice, pouring juices over the rice. This was so good, there were no leftovers!

Party Weekend

Well what an exciting party we had. So exciting in fact that I did not take any pictures! How ever my good buddy Maria did take some, so if I can get her to send me a few I will post them.
I had fun, but was exhausted at the end of the day, and it carried into Sunday when we had to attend a birthday party for another good little friend who turned 3.
I got some great presents and I did take some pics of those.
Two friends brought me flowers, and I combined them to make a lovely bouquet.
Another friend hand painted this bee themed bowl for me, making me the Queen Bee. And since I want to have a bee themed kitchen its perfect!
Here is the moon bounce I purchased to make the party extra special. And boy was my house pretty tidy, no toys all over the place or anything. It made the party fairly maintence kid free. Gene is still pissed but, I am not going to return it..period!
My dear friend Maria bought me this super cute reversable skirt in an attempt to get me into more skirts/dresses. And some lovely soap, and not pictured some fresh produce from the farmers market. Gone already..yum!
I was also gifted this lovely tablerunner. Can't wait to put it on the table.
And not pictured here was a gift subscription to Real $imple magazine, which I love!
Our surprise guest at the party was this blackswallow tail caterpillar. He was the hit of the party!
He is now joined by 3 new roomates. And since we keep finding them on our carrot tops(we don't mind since we won't eat them!) Someone from freecycle is giving us an old fish tank to house them in, and thier future roomies. I guess if they don't hatch now, they will overwinter..for up to four months. These guys sure poop a lot, and watching them devour greens is soo cool. We will keep you posted on how they are doing.
In other news, I have not spanked Zach all weekend, and am trying really hard not to yell..maybe I will save some money on therapy's hoping. :) CHOW

Friday, August 8, 2008


First off I just want to thank everyone who e-mailed me words of super parenting encouragement. It means alot to feel the support and know I am not the only one out there struggling. I am taking a pledge to myself and the world to not spank or shout, although I know it will be harder not to shout. Zach is such a great kid, and I feel terrible about breaking his spirit, but man does he know how to push my buttons.
In other news, I am seriously freaking out, trying to get ready for the party. I am getting the house cleaned, but everytime one room gets cleaned, Zach destroys it! Okay, anyone want to help me make 6 dz deveiled eggs?

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Hello friends. Sorry I have been gone so long! My computer was broken and it finally was returned to me yesterday. Nothing too exciting here. Just doing my thing. My birthday is coming up so we are having a housewarming/birthday party. Complete with Keg beer and everything. This planning is keeping me busy and now I have to start clening the house and stuff.
We spent almost a week at my mom's.
I love her, but we fight with differing opinions. She flops on her opinions, and its sometimes funny cause she does not know where she stands on most things. She is very firm in her religious opinions and her issues with my weight. I love you mom, but you just drive me crazy!
Spending time at my mom's has its perks. Like Zach gets to spend time with my brother. Who is very good with Zach. Richard is loving, playful, patient and firm. Someday he is going to be a great daddy.
Here is Zach and Richard:
When I returned from my mom's, Zach and Gene spent a few days going to the Threshing Bee in MClouth, KS. While I choose not to go, they had a great time and even made a few friends out there.
Zach has been keeping himself busy taking care of his watermelons, he has 4 of them!
It's hard to tell in this picture but one of his melons is already about 10-11 inches in diameter.
Our first few ears of corn are ready, and I will be picking them for dinner on Friday night.
Ahh and now the hard stuff. I don't really open up too much here, and I think its time I did.
My parenting is often harsh..or so I feel. Even though I do not want to spank my child, it does happen. Not a lot, maybe once a month? Anyways, he is so willfull, and he challenges me in ways I think no one can. I love him and he amazes me everyday. However he was/is blessed with a sharp tongue, and I let that bother me. He continues to be fresh, talk back and even hit me. He refuses to clean up, and I know that I spoil him in many ways. He gets junk food, he gets new things all the time. It's so hard not to love him without spoiling him. I feel like he hits, because he gets spanked. I feel its a circle and I HATE it. I try to be patient, but find it impossible sometimes. It embarrasses me to put this out here, but here it is. Me, a parent desperate to find control for this issue.