Monday, October 20, 2008

because I do..

Well this weekend was a trying one. We had a great Friday night, having been invited to a bonfire and potluck, we had a glowing evening..haha. Then Saturday came and everything went to crap. Zach must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. He whined, yelled, complained all day. He hit me,threw things and called me names. Each time out or priviledge lost just seemed to make things worse. He called me a bad mom, a poopy head, and told me he wanted to kill me. His anger was totally out of control and seemed to come from no where. It scares me, what happens when he gets older??? Gene was gone all day working ad did not return until after 5pm, by that time I was worn and exhausted. He was his usual cheerful self. We had a few nice fights and ended the evening quietly..him passed out me at the computer, Zach finally also fell asleep. Sunday we made plans to go to a few yard sales and a small convention on how to make your house more energy efficient and green. We attended that and everyone did well. But by the time we got home, everything went to shit. Gene wanted to mow the lawn, and Zach wanted to help him. Gene did not want help and thus this set the scene for the rest of the afternoon. Gene mowed and Zach lingered around wherever Daddy was. By the time Gene got to the back lawn it seemed he was okay with Zach hanging out. I told him I ws going to see the neighbors for a few, and did so. When I came back into the house and returned to doing chores, Gene came roaring into the house and told me he is sick of this shit..this is bullshit and how he can't watch Zach he is busy...blah blah. He was yelling at me, of course I was on the phone for the first time all day, and it never fails that he always freaks when I am on the phone. I got off the phone proceeded to share my thoughts with Gene, which included a lot of shouting and swearing and I punched him on the arm, he hates this. He takes off ignores me and returns to mowing...meanwhile I now have to keep Zach in the house. Zach runs away from me and tries to hide in the shed. I get him bring him inside for a time out for running away, and he hits me calls me names. HMMMM ANYBODY SEE A PATTERN HERE???? God I am so frustrated. I finish making dinner. Zach and I eat, he throws a fit. I send him to his room for time out..he runs away again. Gene comes into eat. Gene tells me he needs a break and goes to a bar. I finally get Zach settled and almost asleep when Gene comes home. We than proceed to have one of the Biggest fights we have ever had, and now I think I am going to look for somewhere else to live. I am really sad and afraid, and I don't know what to do. We have been through counseling, but I am sick and tired of this. When I ask him if he wants me to leave he says no, I asked him what are we going to do he says, nothing we can do.
Financially I can do nothing. My meesley $600 bucks a month from watching Gwyn is hardly enough to support 2 of us. But I want to do something, something has got to give.


hettieblue said...

Oh honey I am so sorry that everyone is heaping abuse on you. You are such a giving and loving mom and wife you deserve to be treated better. I hope I am not stepping out of my place by saying these things to you.
You have incredible talent and what ever you decide to do you can make it work.
I am sending you lots of love.

marites said...

the "playroom" is always yours...
take it day by day, hope it gets better
love - m