Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It just is

I rolled out of bed this morning, my eyelids swollen. Another "I want to leave you" argument last night. Him trying to convince me that, it would really suck, we would lose the house. No garden, no chickens, no fruit trees. I want those things..I also want intimacy, love and affection. I want someone who understands me, someone who acts like they give a shit, or at least pretends to. All he says is that he sucks and wants to make things better..how many times have I heard this one??? Why oh why do I listen. I am tired of being angry and bitchy, and needy.
He complains, that I made no plans for Valentines Day..did he even ask? Or make plans? NO!
I am hosting a babysitting night on Valentines Day to make money..if I fill up it will be something like $160 for four hours of daycare..that would be fantastic, its almost enought to cover preschool next month.(It's $185 for a whole month).
I am going to drown out the voices today with some valentines candy I got in a swap.
I know its just a made up commercial day, but doesn't it feel good to have some who cares show it??
Here are some pics of Zach tearing up some cooked trout that Gene caught this week. He has so much free time, so he has been fishing a lot.
It's hard to believe he is in short sleeves! The weather here has been in the high
60's and Zach has jumped at the chance to get into his shorts and short sleeved T's.


Hilary said...

It can really suck, and I am sorry. It is hard to feel trapped in a relationship that is not working out right. Know that you deserve better, and try to find some support outside of your shitty relationship. I have been there, and I sort of still am there. I feel for you.

Evie said...

Yeah, I am hoping things get better.. sometimes its just crappy. Thanks for the support!