Exhaustion has set in.

Well I have been super busy today. And I am feeling it too.. I worked today, the regular three hours. I mowed the front lawn, with the gas powered, instead of the human powered..it is just too hot, and there is no shade in the front. I have already done 3 loads of laundry..2 of which I hung out on the clothes line. The load of towels I am putting in the dryer, they get too scratchy when I line dry-em and I don't like that. I have unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and I also have bagel dough in the breadmaker. I still need to clean out the fridge, make bagels, make dinner, and start on mowing the backyard..whewwwwwww. After this is all done I am going to sit on the couch and not move..and I don't care.
I am aiming to take Zach to go see my friends at fighter practice, something I have not done in years. I have friends who do this SCA thing, its like the people you see at Ren Fests. And they get together one a week and beat each other up for fun..kinda. I think Zach will enjoy it, and if not its at the park where he likes to play anyways.
No pics today, my camera batteries are dead and I need to replace them. Maybe I can get some shots of the fighting people. that is all for now my dearies. Evie

Monday work again

Well here it is Monday again. I am still working at the home daycare. Today was nuts there, with 3 babies one of them a newborn, a 4 month old, and 1yr old. And Zach and another. There were 3 babies crying at the same time, and its too much for two people, let alone one to take care of. I stayed late and helped things get more calm before I let, but I felt terrible for this lady to be alone with that many babies. Anyways, I guess I still don't have a straight answer from the other girls' parents for full time daycare. Whatever!
I have not spanked Zach since my post about not spanking! That is truly a miracle, especially since I did have to wash his mouth out with soap...wow did he use a BIG word. I am trying so hard to be patient with him, but he is still button pushing, I guess it is just his personality.
The saddest thing of all...he told me when he is married, he and his wife will have no arguing, and they will cook and clean together. Something he rarely gets to see. Makes me sad. He told me we need to live in seperate houses. Its pretty bad when your kid tells you these things need to happen.
I am putting him in pre-school 5 days a week starting in Sept. I feel he needs it, and if I am working we can afford it, even though we are POOOOOORRRRR, right now. Geez when aren't we poor?
Pics tomorrow of his curtains.
Turkey burgers and sweet potato fries for supper tonight.
Love and ice cream to all. :) Evie

The Universe has spoken

I know things have been pretty intense here the past few days, but I am just trying to sort things out for myself.
I asked the universe to help me out with money and in two days I have made almost $200!!
Now I don't believe in the whole god thing, but I do believe in the higher power, or the power of the universe, and the flow and all that.
I finished work on Friday and was rewarded with a generous check, and when I got home, I had a phone call from aforementioned baby girls parents, who needed a sitter right away, and then after they picked up baby girl they asked for daycare for today...Sat too! And they want to bring baby girls older brother..a playmate for Zach yeah!
It is a bit of a relief to bring some money in after not working for almost 3 years.
The last sitting job ended badly, and I am still wondering what I could have done differently/better. Who knows???
My mom- the supportive woman she is..lol keeps tellng me that she wants me to do better than babysitting...she wants me to get my nursing or teaching degrees. But I love kids and babies, and right now I think it is the best I can do for myself.
I am going to move forward with the daycare idea. And baby girls' parents made me a very nice hourly wage offer for daycare. Although I am still not sure they want me full time or not??
So I am going to return to the new daycare job until we discuss further, which may even be this afternoon?? Who knows.
I have a batch of raspberry almond muffins in the oven, and they are calling as is the coffee pot.
Today I am feeling better about things, thank you for being there, whomever you may be. :) Evie

And life carries on

Well I know that yesterday's post was maybe a little be of a downer, but very true. I figure if I am going to put myself out there, might as well do it all the way. :)
I had a better day today, and returned to work at my "new" job. I made the decision that if I do not get the sitting job I am waiting on, I am going to open up my own daycare. It seems the most logical choice for me, and all I really need to do is update my first aid class. It almost makes me sad, though that its all you need. Know what I mean? Seriously, if this young woman I am working for can do it, why can't I?
In other news, I started making Zach's john deere curtains, and I need to find some new blinds for in his room since his got broken during the party.
His behavior has been less than wonderful since I guess he is making adjustments, to going to babysit with me. If we were not desperate for money right now, I would so not be there.
I keep reminding myself that its not forever, and things will improve. The nice thing is that I have to discipline him with much more patience while I am there. And I guess I am getting my baby "fix" while I am there.
Dinner tonight is shrimp and pasta with garden veggies..yum!

What it is.

Well here is what it isn't. My life has not always been lollipops and rainbows.
I don't know my father. I have never had a positive male role model in my life. Maybe that's why I married someone 15 years my senior. I don't know?? Men intimidate me, I do not understand them. The only ones I have know wanted me to be cute, or later in life wanted something sexual from me. Hence I have my weight issues. I have other issues too. MONEY..that's a big one for me. We never had much growing up, what with my mom supporting her shitty husbands. No wonder I have money issues. I was in my mid 20's before I was actually supporting myself..then I married and quit working. Now I am dependant on this older man..my husband Gene to support me. Not that I have a spending problem. I can pinch a penny like no one I know..but that does not keep me from feeling horrible about my spending choices, and makes me a little greedy too. I hide money, I have my own account. I make sure I have a little to spend. When I have no cash it makes me feel depressed and trapped.
Feeling trapped is another issue. I feel trapped in my marriage, in my role as a mother, in my own body.
I should be happy. I have a house, I have a car to drive and decent food to eat. I know how to cook, bake and can. I have lived through at least 10 serious car wrecks, an emotionally abusive relationship, giving a child away for adoption, physical and sexual abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse(you guys have no idea..), I have pushed myself through serious depression(still am).
I have been through some shit, and at 32 feel like I have done it all. What is next for me?
I had to take on a job I am not going to like at all. I am helping some girl, run her home daycare. She is pretty green, and I feel like I have to tell her what to do..I guess that is the bossy side of me. But really, I hate it, and Zach was awful there today. I am lucky I get to bring him. Its only 3 hours a day, but will bring in around an extra $450 a month, which were really need right now to get ahead. I am waiting for something better..hopefully something better will.
Sorry for this long and depressing rant, but hey that's why I am her right?

I sewed!

Hard to believe but it does happen! Made a skirt to wear to a party tomorrow.

Its a layer skirt and it took me around 2 hours to bust out this morning. Even though I had planned on making it around 2 months earlier! Hopefully I have a top to wear with it.
On another subject I saw something sad today. There was a young couple in a beat down car pushing it into the gas station, obviously they were out of gas. A sign of the times and I remember being in the same postion a long time ago. On more than a few occasions. It made me feel for them. It made me feel grateful, even though we are poor, I don't think I have to worry about not having gas in my car, or groceries in my fridge.
I am greatful that Gene finally has his Plumbing License, and we are home owners.
I am greatful for his health, and Zachs too. I have clothes to wear, and a garden full of veggies. I have people who care about me, and that I care about too.
Thank you universe for everything.
last nite's garden bounty:

tons of cherry toms, large toms, corn, yellow squash, zucchini, green bell peppers

Nothing Like your favorite dinner.

Even if you have to cook it yourself..on your birthday. And in my defense, you can't get Lemon Chicken Piccata in Kansas..well maybe you can, but I have not found it, and we are too broke to eat out, and my version is to die for and not that hard to make. So I cooked it. YUM! Here's my recipe, even though I am sure its been posted before:
Lemon Chicken piccata:
4 skinless boneless chicken breasts cut in half and then again if still too thick
salt and pepper
flour for dredging
8 tablespoons butter
8 tablespoons olive oil
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 cup chicken stock
3-4 oz capers drained
1/3 cup fresh parsley chopped (if using dried, add to stock to re-hydrate)
Season chicken with salt and pepper, dredge in flour.
Melt 2 tablespoons butter and 3 tablespoons olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Add chicken when it sizzles. Add no more than 2-3 pieces of chicken at a time and cook for about 1 1/2 minutes on each side, then move to a plate. Add more olive oil and butter together as needed to cook all the chicken reserving at least 2 tablespoons butter. Do not let the oil get too hot or the butter will brown too much.
When all the chciken is cooked add the lemon juice, chicken stock, capers and parsley. Bring to a boil, add remaining butter. Place chicken in sauce and cook for 3-5 minutes more. Place chicken on platter on top of hot cooked linguine. Pour sauce over. Serve to family..eat too much, feel bloated..lay around house..smile. :)